It wasn't until this afternoon that I had an epiphany for a new post. I haven't been working on any new short stories lately, but I do have a lot of great ideas I've listed in my head that I'm hoping to get into for future preference. However, I'm not going to get into much of that topic because I always like my stories to be a surprise. ;)

Now as far the weather goes here in my city, that itself hasn't been so great. It's been raining. For like... Days. While many other places are well adapted to this kind of weather, my city isn't! It's pouring heavily right now, and it's quite discouraging to say the least. Come to think of it, bad weather and new blog posts seem to coincide well with one another. When it's beautiful outside, I'm prompted to go out for a walk, spend time with a few friends, or do some sort of errand. Otherwise, when the weather isn't so good, I'll definitely stay in and do something productive just to keep me busy. So yes, that's that.

Oh, and some news I haven't bothered to bring up on Mon Amour... I've completed my first year of college! Yaaay! One academic year is only 6 months (3 months per semester) it goes by very quickly. Throughout those 6 months, I honestly didn't have a life haha. It was just study-study-study. It doesn't sound appealing, but considering I wasn't working it was really nice to at least have something to work on. Like they say, the first year responsibilities of post-ed is always grueling - and it is. Although I particularly enjoyed the responsibility. What can I say? I'm a workaholic! :)

Since completing my first year, I've now had this 4 month summer holiday to enjoy until September when I have to head back for the new semester. It's been great having all this time, because now I can devote more time to writing. I know I should be, being that I completely neglected this blog all throughout my studies. I'm aware that I should've at least posted something when I had the slightest chance, but I was so immersed in my studies that the very little I did have off, I'd give it to myself to just relax and read. These days, I can truly say it's been rad getting back into the blogging circuit again.

Till next my next post.

M

Is the glass half empty or half full?

Born To Run

It had been raining for days. A few hours had now passed since he stepped foot on the train, not that he was counting. He had been staring out the window, letting his mind wonder with a cloud of things, both the significant and not. One concern that just wouldn’t fade from his thinking was whether he made the right decision. His cognition kept shifting from both sides: optimism and anxiety. Regardless of all the mental debates he was going through, an unknown beguiling little voice coming from somewhere kept pushing him to continue the journey that he started......

Music was his story. That itself gives full credit to his parents. His family was quite small, just him, his loving mother, and charismatic dad. They had a quiet life in a pleasant small town. They ran a dairy farm far outside city limits. Materially they didn’t have much, but they had each other. The family love that resonated with them was one that couldn’t be matched or replaced with fancy clothes, fast cars, and new gadgets. However the one little machine that would eventually shape his life - was the radio. 

Through his mother and father’s generation, he was able to appreciate what today youth would consider, “old”. While the music he loved listening to was far from mainstream, he gained an extreme fondness towards lyricism. At 13 he got lucky when he acquired his dad’s abandoned guitar in the attic. At that time the boy had never seen anything more beautiful. The make on the headstock embroidered “Gibson”. The instrument was rich dark amber, while mahogany graced the sides and back. He remembers placing his fingers in chord on the neck, then gently running his hand through the strings. Despite the guitars age, it wasn’t out of tune. And while clearly dusty and neglected, its soul was not lost.

With the help of books, and what his father remembered from the very few times playing the guitar, he could play with confidence, and by his 14^th birthday he was writing songs of his own. His lyricism was inspired by his mentors; Elton John, Johnny Cash, Lennon, Bryan Adams, Journey, Bob Dylan, and Springsteen. The dedications of his songs were given to the life he had and those he loved. For years he performed at friend and family gatherings, alongside those few pubs around town.

Now in his 20’s, the years passed, he was now a man. While his attitude matured, his lifestyle sure didn’t. He continued to work on the farm, and write, and perform. It wasn’t until he was 21 that his life would take a different route - his father died. Though the sudden loss was difficult, it had given him strength. What’s more, it was his own strength used to help his mother in healing from her grief. And it was by his father’s passing that he realized he truly needed a new life. His passion for song craved the eminence it deserved. 

After a month or so, when he thought appropriate he prepared his life for the road. He didn’t pack much, just a few changes of clothes, wallet, notebook, and of course his guitar. He wasn’t going to bring absolutely every one of his possessions, because he was still unsure if the leave would be permanent or not. And besides, no matter what happened, home will always be there. And to his surprise, waiting at the front door was his mother with an envelope in hand. He walked up to her with a gentle smile, and she replied, “Here, your father’s been saving up a long time for your future. I think it’s time you have it.” He took the envelope and by the weight of it, he assumed his mother had cashed out a generous amount. It was so gracious of his parents to continuously ensure he was taken care of, be it financially or personally. 

Before walking out the door, he said his goodbyes and gave his mother a warm hug. His words to her were, “I love you mom. I promise I’ll come back in one piece.” It was something his dad always said......

As he sat on the train, his attention remained out the window at the grey skies. It was all coming back to him - mom, dad, home, his friends, the girl who got away, late nights at the pub – Everything. Eventually his thoughts veered more towards the thought of his dad. It’s about time he fulfilled a father’s dream for their only son. Deep down he knew his father wouldn’t want to see him continue that small town living. It wasn’t for him. Music however, was. And while some worried about the loneliness he left his mom, he knew it was for the better. She’d needed that time alone. Her own son reminded her so much of his father, his presence would simply appraise the difficulty of loss. “She’ll be fine”, the little voice said.

He then began to anticipate those brighter things the big city had waiting just for him. It was a little hard envisioning exactly what, because he so rarely left his town for whatever reasons. His heart and mind would remain as wide open, and by that, he’d remain bold if ever disappointed. 

The train came to a slow stop at his destination. He slowly got up and stretched, then proceeded to take his things out from the above carry on. With his bag at his side, and guitar case on his back, he stepped off the train. The heavy rain stopped, and it was now a light stippling with the sun preparing to make an appearance in the sky. The cool air was a nice refreshment after sitting in a train for most of the day. He took sight of the folks walking in all directions. “Here it is, it’s all on you now”. As he walked, he heard speakers playing Springsteen’s, Born to Run. It was one of his dad’s favorites. Smiling to himself, he knew what his next song was going to be about.

M

The Best of Today

Don't ask what the meaning of life is. You define it.

I'll Find Me

It was an old photograph. I’d been staring at her now for what had felt like hours. The iconic photograph was taken in my 23^rd year, wearing that quintessential white gown, bright genuine smile, and waving to the crowds. It was my wedding day. And I remember that day as if it was yesterday. Now 30 years later, and staring at this image of myself I could still feel the weight and soft fabric of the dress, the piercing stares of the guests in the cathedral, and orchestral music playing the background as I slowly strolled down that red carpet…

In the 30 years that have now passed, so much of my life had changed, more importantly so had I. My marriage to the Prince was the very start. It not only marked the official status of my commencement into my (now then) husbands Royal Family, it was the dawn of unfathomable media scrutiny. “Fat Porky Pork”, “Silly Willy”, “Naïve and Oblivious”, were just a few of the ever turning headlines that took publish. Although every single one of my family members, friends, and officials took to my defense to protect me it wasn’t enough to keep journalists from degrading. As both hurtful and humiliating those titles media had named, what’s worse is that I believed every single one of them. 

In the early stages of my new life, I made every attempt to convince myself that all this negative attention was just the small hole of it. Eventually it would all fade, and I’d be able to continue with my personal life. But at the time, it became so daunting that it began to reflect on my attitude towards my own self – on the inside and out. The “Live with absolutely no regret” motto I’d lived by in all of those teen years had suddenly disappeared. While on the outside I was all smiles, on the inside I was hurting deeply. It became so cumbrous that it eventually took towards my marriage.

My husband and I decided to part ways when I was 33, 10 years after we made our vows that we’d be together till our death. While many were left in confusion about our separation, he and I knew it would be for the better. Over the years, our relationship had grown apart. While we still very much love each other, we both agreed that there was no longer any purpose for us to continue being together. Regardless, the divorce ended on mutual terms. And to this day we still keep in contact and care deeply for each other. Though it is out of love and respect for the person, and not necessarily as “husband and wife”. As one who’s departed from the Royal Family, everyone is still so generous in ensuring that I’m able to live a well off life and have that ability to be provided for myself without hesitation. 

When I was much younger I read a saying by Marilyn Monroe, “I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” And in the darkness I had lived in for many years, I not once thought to look back at that. I could say that I regret not looking back at it, but as said by Marilyn – Everything happens for a reason.

In referring back to what I said about being all smiles on the outside, at that time I believe I had an addiction. It is not the tangible addiction like alcohol or by drugs. It’s a much more thought provoking addiction I had went through. Which I truly believe was the cause of my distress. Thirsty people need water, hungry people need food, cold people need warmth, and rejected people need acceptance. I was addicted to acceptance. It was the answer to why I was so easily hurt by the ridicule I received from the press. All those who I loved continuously aided in stating to the public that I was not at all like what you read. Eventually people believed it. The downside – I didn’t. 

I had no clue as to who I was and what was going to make me happy. I felt absolutely worthless. Over the years of this long journey, I learned that self worth is NOT measured by the square footage of your home, nice clothes, and money. When we search for "ourselves" in the eyes of others, we have imprisoned our own-selves in believing that our self-worth is nothing unless others validate who we are. Unless we approve of whom we are, what we are, and what we are capable of doing as an individual, only then we will have released "us" from our own imprisonment. We are in charge of our own life's destiny and what we do and become can only be validated by our accomplishments and failures; not by what others may think of us. (Dahveed)

…  In looking at the young woman in the picture I hold. I say quietly to her – You are an incredible woman. You know who you are. You just didn’t need 30 years to figure it out.

M

Part 2 - Her life and so on....

With her career in communications, she would have a several month stay in the country on behalf of the firm in order to meet and work with numerous clients of theirs. She was career driven, motivated, and passionate about what she was doing in life. Back home she had a quiet life, a nice place of her own, that was independent of her family. Coming from a working class background, she took pride in working hard and dedicating to her goals to meet accomplishments. A great deal of that was instilled in her by her mum and dad. Everything up to that point in her life she had earned, and others were aware of it. Some are even in awe as to how far she’s made it and how quickly since her graduation from a small college. Upon graduation, she was enthusiastic about becoming part of the real world and getting a position for herself. With the right referrals and her own passion, she humbly climbed the hills to success. 

She was a busy working lady. Her career was her baby. And she thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. Coming to work every day was and had never been a burden. In her case, her professional life was really her only life. She normally withheld from watching television, reading silly magazines (that is, ‘silly’ by her own words), and hearing about the news because from her perspective the reality of chaos in the world took away from her own peaceful reality. Of course she had a wonderful group of friends and family that she spent the time she could with, though everyone who had gotten to know her knew they could never really be as important to her as her job. To some that seemed selfishly career obsessed. Regardless, people respected her and looked up to her. She was considered one of the examples at the offices; hardworking, sophisticated, reliable, and down to earth. Everyone had a warm liking towards her. The few that felt the opposite were often driven by envy and their own self righteousness. Her opposition, without a doubt had to face the defense and vindication of those that cared for her.

… The night of their first encounter, despite the massive gap in social differences and her cluelessness to whom the man really was (she made the assumption he worked in litigation), they both had a genuine and friendly interest in each other. He found her very easy to talk to, and he could tell that she wasn’t talking to him just because of a well-known fact. He was even more delighted to be discussing one another’s motherland. He with this tan skin and native Kiwi accent, and she with her exotic Asian looks and Canadian accent, their cultural differences had made for a very sincere discussion that night.

The woman couldn’t help but notice the looks guests were giving this man. She could sense a few whispers going on about something, although she didn’t bother to give concern because she was seldom busy letting her mind and eyes wander around the lounge décor. The few other strangers settled at the bar at some point suddenly started acting in a jovial manner. And it certainly wasn’t because of the alcohol. It had been as if someone in the room was giving off some sort of strange ambiance simply because of their presence. She knew it was because of him. But what was so special about this guy? Well, setting aside from his magnetic good looks and impeccable style.

M

Song of the Day!

"Gotten" by Slash and Adam Levine

M

Part One - First Impressions

There she was. With both little surprise and slight embarrassment she was staring at her own image. An image captured by some ruthless photographer, which was now published for the entire nation to see in the Daily Newspaper. She wasn’t spectacular, nor that interesting by her belief. So really, why would anyone want to read the paper about a woman who simply sparked a relationship with one of the most eligible (or was before he met her) and prominent male figures in the country?...

Like any normal person on planet earth, they met by chance through mutual friends at a small social gathering. It was one of her male colleagues’ dinner parties celebrating his 27^th birthday. She already knew a few of the other guests well from college, where they shared a few of the same classes and on occasion spent lunch together. One of the few others whom she had just met that night also just happened to be HIM. Their introductions were simple, friendly, and courteous. She never got nervous in meeting other people and her starting conversation was casual.

“How was your week? How do you guys know each other?” You know, the typical discussion and questionnaire the goes about meeting someone new. As she and some others gradually got into knowing the basics of one another, she was blindly unaware of WHO the man she had just met really was. Well, anybody who follows sport would know him.

He was one of his of his nation’s top rugby union players. A sporting hero. Centre position, strength, speed, and agility to boot. Regardless of his domineering 6’3 well built figure, he had a very gentle charisma. Upon shaking his hand, she couldn’t help but be intimidated by his incredibly tall stature. Especially for a young woman who had no choice but to literally look up at him with her 5’4 frame. And if her lacking knowledge of his true successful profession weren’t enough, she was clueless to the fact that he’s one of the highest paid. You’d think a highly intelligent woman would’ve known the status of a man wearing a Bvlgari watch when she saw one. He had money. And lots of it.

M

Music: That which you hear is not what you see

 

*the video above is in full ownership and credit of Tje Austin and Egot Inc. music

After watching his wonderful rendition of Bruno Mars’ “Just the way you are” on NBC’s The Voice, I had to show my respect by making a new post in ode to his wonderful craft and quirky personality. As promised, coming back to the previous entry I had of Tje Austin, I’ve done as much Google-ing to find as much as I could. Turns out he has quite a high following on the internet…

Vocalist and songwriter Tje Austin (pronounced Tye) hails from Austin Texas (Austin and Austin – a cute coincidence haha). In listening to him sing, you’re immediately pulled in by his smooth, warm, organic neo-soul vocals. That which speaks truth and honesty which is such a rarity in today's generation of mainstream music. He caresses the soul and speaks to the heart.

Tje already has a multitude of performances for major names like Trey Songz and Anthony David. And he even sang the national anthem in 2011 for the Texas Rangers. That, which is just a small addition to his already phenomenal internet presence, his Myspace has surpassed over 3 million hits. His Youtube channel displays much of his own work, along with his own renditions of Alicia Keys, Kings of Leon, and Bob Marley.  

Accolades…

1^st album in 2008 “Love Me Knots”

2^nd album in 2010 “Xperience”

3^rd album already released!! “Dreamin’ Big”, includes the single City of Me.

All of these are available on iTunes and Amazon.

“Who I am, moves me to speak about life through my music. What happens to me is happening to someone else, and it is comforting, whether it is good or bad, to know that you are not alone; and this is what my music is about, comfort.” – Tje Austin

M